That fear often turns into a belief that they need to be perfect.

Why the Pressure to Be Perfect Feels So Strong

New foster carers usually worry about perfection because they care. Many feel the weight of knowing that a child has already experienced loss, trauma, or instability. The idea of adding to that pain can cause concern.

There are a few common reasons perfectionism creeps in:

• Fear of causing further harm
  When a child has had a difficult start, carers can feel intense pressure to “fix everything” or at least not make anything worse.
• Being observed and assessed
  Social workers, reviews, reports, meetings — fostering can sometimes feel like your every move is under a microscope, especially at the beginning.
• Comparing yourself to others
  Experienced carers can seem calm, confident, and endlessly capable. It’s easy to forget they were once new too.
• A lack of room for mistakes in your own mind
  Many carers hold themselves to much higher standards than they would ever expect of anyone else.

All of this can leave new carers feeling anxious, concerned and constantly questioning themselves.

The Truth: Children Don’t Need Perfect Carers

Here’s the most important thing new foster carers need to hear:

Children don’t need perfection. They need connection.

Most children in care haven’t missed out on flawless routines or Pinterest-worthy bedrooms. What they have often missed is:

• Safety
• Consistency
• Being listened to
• Having their feelings taken seriously
• Someone who doesn’t give up when things are hard

These things don’t come from perfection. They come from being human.

Why “Good Enough” Is More Than Enough

Psychologists often talk about the idea of the “good enough” caregiver — someone who gets it right most of the time, and repairs things when they don’t. That repair is powerful.

When a foster carer says:

• “I’m sorry, I got that wrong.”
• “I didn’t handle that well — let’s try again.”
• “I’m still learning, but I’m here.”

…they are modelling healthy relationships. For many children, that’s a brand-new experience.

Mistakes don’t ruin trust. Ignoring them does.

Children Learn From Your Imperfections Too

Being a foster carer isn’t about being calm, patient, and wise 100% of the time. It’s about showing children that:

• Adults can have feelings and manage them safely
• Conflict doesn’t mean rejection
• Relationships can bend without breaking

Your imperfections can actually help a child feel safer, because perfection can feel distant and unrelatable.

You Are Not Doing This Alone

Another important reminder for new foster carers: you are part of a team. You’re not expected to know everything or handle everything by yourself.

Training, supervision, support workers, and other carers are there because fostering is complex — not because you’re failing.

Asking for help isn’t a sign you’re not cut out for fostering. It’s a sign you are taking it seriously.

What Really Matters

At the end of the day, what children in care remember isn’t whether you always said the right thing or followed every plan flawlessly.

They remember:

• How you made them feel when they were upset
• Whether you came back after a hard day
• Whether your home felt safe, even when life felt messy

So, if you’re a new foster carer worrying about being perfect, take a breath. You don’t need to be flawless.

You just need to be present, willing, and kind — to the child, and to yourself.

And that is already more than enough

The post Initial worry No.6 – Putting pressure on myself to be perfect. appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

What is Intuitive Care?

Intuitive Care have developed a fantastic app, accessible from any device, which consolidates all the paperwork that so commonly is the bane of Foster Carers’ lives! Many Foster Carers are used to having to work with clumsy, inflexible systems for loading and viewing key paperwork. Intuitive Care uses a simple app to reduce the time and burden posed by paperwork. It offers:

• An easy way to write and submit weekly logs, including photos of important events or everyday activities, real time, as simply as sending a WhatsApp message
• Quick access to all the information you might need whether you’re at home or on the move
• Receive, sign and share documents such as review paperwork, supervision notes, training documents and safer caring plans
• Capture and submit all your expenses
• View your remittances and statements
• Easily report notifiable events as they happen
• Support and structure to our robust matching processes

What do Foster Carers think of Intuitive Care?

“For someone who’s not very tech savvy, as you well know, I’m delighted to say this is very easy to use.”

“I’ve used many different fostering systems and this is by far the easiest. I love it!”

Our service enhancement not only makes life easier for our Foster Carers, it also enables us to capture all the information we need in one place. In turn, this allows us to improve outcomes by spotting trends and being alerted when there are problems. It means we can get a truly holistic view of our children and our carers, allowing us to build on our already outstanding service and bring fostering into the modern age.

If you’d like to find out more about the service we offer here at Eastern Fostering Services, please contact us, we’d love to speak to you!

The post The future of fostering is intuitive…. appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

We got picked up in the morning by a minibus from Colchester Stadium. I was so excited! It was really good to see the other children that I know through Eastern Fostering Services. From there we went on to Ingatestone to pick up some other children and staff. Then it was off to Southampton to catch the ferry to the ISLE OF WIGHT!

I’d never been on a ferry before and was a bit worried I may get sea sick but guess what? I didn’t, so at least I now know I don’t get sea sick. When we got to the Isle of Wight, we had to walk on a floating bridge. I was so excited.

We had a tour of the site and then after that we went to the dormitories and put all our stuff down. It was time for the first activity so we got changed into wetsuits and got into the sea. They couldn’t find one that fitted me but we sorted that out.

Then we got changed and had dinner. The last activity of the day was football which was a lot of fun.

30^th May

We woke up at 7 o’clock, got dressed and went for breakfast. The sun was shining and we were all excited about the day. We went to the beach first and did some litter picking. We had lunch on the beach and then went back to the site.

In the afternoon, we went crabbing and on the way back in the orange dinghy, I got completely soaked! I didn’t mind though, it was good fun.

We went back to the dorms, got changed and had dinner. After that we played basketball and guess what? I was the team captain!

31^st May

Up again at 7am – it’s not like getting up for school though! We had breakfast and then got changed into our wetsuits. We went on the canoes. OMG it was so fun.

After lunch we got changed into warm clothes and trainers. We met up with the instructors who were so nice and then we went on the paddle boats. And. Yes you’ve guessed it. The orange dinghy. Yes. I got drenched and soaked. We got stranded and had to wait for rescue! Drama We had 3 boats to take us back to the dock LOL.

We got changed, played rounders and then went to the shops to spend our pocket money.

1^st June

Our last full day! Up at 7. We had breakfast and then went paddle boarding which was so much fun. We watched the instructor jump in which was funny.

After lunch we did raft building and went on the big paddle board. That was when I kept getting hit on the head with a paddle. I jumped into the water with Teegan the instructor. It was so nice and then I just swam and floated about!

2nd June

Our last day! We woke up at 7, went down for breakfast and then put our stuff in the mini bus. We then had a talk about the careers at UKSA and in the maritime sector. After that we played a game called drop the bomb and we got a gift bag each with a certificate and some souvenirs. We got our stuff ready with our back packs and walked out the gate to the floating bridge with an instructor. We met Teegan round the other side waited for a little while then got onto the ferry and said goodbye to the instructors and went on the ferry back to Southampton and had lunch on the ferry.

Special thanks to Paul for reminding me to take my tablet and looking after me.

Note from the carer:

“L so loved the trip and it has really inspired her. She  wants to train to be an instructor and showed me a 2 year course. She has never been so enthusiastic about something to study!”

The post My diary of the Eastern Fostering Services Trip to the Isle of White – by L, aged 14. appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

“It was the first time, I fully appreciated just how many professionals are involved with the children and how important it must be to invest in these relationships,” said one of our recently approved carers.

This was an astutely made point. It is indeed important to build good relationships within the professional community, to understand their roles, their objectives and how best to work with them to promote the well being of the children you are fostering.

It’s also no bad thing to realise that this can be overwhelming as a foster carer and to remember how it must sometimes feel for children who live with a high degree of scrutiny.

Which professionals make up the fostering community?

The number of professionals surrounding a child in foster care will vary according to the circumstances, history and current needs of the child. In addition to the foster carer, every child will have a Local Authority Social Worker or a personal adviser if over the age of 18.

Local Authority Social Worker

Every child under 18 will have a local authority social worker. The fullness of their role depends on the status of the child. The Local Authority may have full parental responsibility for the child, for instance. All local authority social workers have the responsibility of implementing, following, supporting or advocating for the care plan for the child. As such, it is important that carers can feed into this process by regular, open communication and the establishment of a good working relationship. The social worker will have a legal obligation to see the child regularly; the exact timeframe will vary according to the individual needs and circumstances of the child but it will be specific. The social worker will ultimately be responsible for all areas of the care plan: education, health, emotional well-being etc. It is ultimately the foster carer who is involved most heavily day-to-day in all of these areas. An important part of the foster carer’s role is to feed their observations back to the social worker and advocate for the child. This is why a good working relationship is so important; it allows the voice of the child to be heard and responded to.

Health professionals

Children in foster care will have regular statutory health checks. These are usually carried out by a dedicated nurse. They are responsible for tracking the physical health of the child, but they may also identify any issues relating to mental health. Foster carers will be able to raise any concerns with the nurse and the nurse will be able to make recommendations if further input is needed. Foster carers also build relationships with GPs, dentists, opticians as children require regular appointments with these professionals also!

Education professionals

Education is a vital part of childhood and for children in foster care, there is a significant onus placed on it. There are regular meetings devoted to the education plans for a child. These meetings review progress, identify needs and set out changes to the current education plan. The education community will include foster carers, Local Authority Social Workers, supervising social workers (social workers dedicated to foster carers and their families), teachers, virtual schools, SEN professionals, pastoral professionals, careers advisors and anyone else who plays a role in the delivery of education for that specific child. Each review meeting will look at previous objectives and action points and will determine new objectives and areas for further support. Foster carers work closely with the children and with schools to support their educational needs, so it is often carers who have the most rounded view of how children are doing, what they are excelling at and what they need further support in. The quality of the relationships within this community are crucial in determining the educational outcomes for children in foster care. These relationships need to be pursued and nurtured by foster carers and foster carers should be able to play a major role in the advocacy of children and young people where their education is concerned.

Mental health professionals

Many children in foster care will have experienced loss and trauma. As such it is very common for children and young people to display signs of poor mental health. Foster carers need to support children in many ways from helping them to recognise and accept their feelings to reporting areas for concern that may be affecting carers’ ability to keep children safe and healthy. Carers may need to work with Mental Health agencies such as CAMHS or they may advocate for the child to have access to therapists or other professionals. Many carers at Eastern Fostering Services work closely with our therapist to understand how to therapeutically parent, to exchange ideas and techniques for managing mental health or to talk through their own struggles in managing some of the more difficult aspects of caring for a child or young person with mental health conditions.

Advocates or direct workers

Many Local Authorities offer an advocacy service for young people. These professionals will build a relationship with young people, understand their individual needs and desires and effectively be their voice with other professionals. They will visit regularly and usually take the young person out so that they can spend quality time together. Advocates are often very significant in the lives of young people in foster care; their impartiality and desire to represent the voice of the child faithfully means that they can really inspire openness and trust.

Similarly, direct workers, like Paul at Eastern Fostering Services play an important role in offering an additional person for children to spend time with and share any concerns. These professionals will have a varied remit from taking children out for treats, talking through problems, supervising contact, transporting to appointments and organising days out for the children in the fostering community.

Fostering provider Supervising Social Workers

These professionals are social workers employed by a fostering provider to support foster carers and their families. In reality, and certainly at Eastern Fostering Services, the role is much more in-depth. Often, they are the glue that holds all the relationships together as they communicate with all professionals to advocate for the carers and children they foster. They also play a major role in supporting the children and young people, regularly spending time with them and talking to them about anything that they may want to get off their chests. They will be present at all professionals’ meetings and will be able to represent the voice of the carers and children should they need to be reinforced. Supervising social workers contribute significantly to the longevity of fostering placements through the support and advocacy they offer. They meet regularly with carers and liaise with other professionals to ensure that the best interests of the children and young people are met.

Independent Reviewing Officers (IRO)

The role of the IRO is to scrutinise the care plans for the children and young people in foster care and to ensure they are being delivered faithfully. They will often host and lead review meetings and will ensure that all professionals are doing what is expected of them in order to deliver best practise for the children and young people concerned. They can require and ask for further action, input or change to make sure that the best outcomes are achieved. As the name suggests, they should be independent of the Local Authority and have as their focus the well-being of the child. Foster carers can escalate any concerns or issues to the IRO if they feel they are having an adverse effect on the child.

There may well be other professionals involved with delivering holistic care to children and young people. This community is varied and full of expert knowledge and skill. The relationships formed within the professional fostering community have a direct impact on the outcomes for children. As always, the foster carer is pivotal. It is no mean feat to manage and nurture these relationships to get the best out of them. Yet foster carers do this day by day in order to promote the needs and wishes of the children they foster.

We’d like to acknowledge and thank all the professionals who work so hard to ensure that a holistic package of care is provided to the children we foster, and we’d like to particularly thank our foster carers for getting the very best out of them!

If you would like to know more about fostering, you can contact us via our website, via Facebook, by email at team@easternfosteringservices.com or by phoning 01206 299775.

The post Fostering Communities: The professional community appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

Today, I am reflecting on one of those life events that makes being a Social Worker for nearly 30 years worthwhile. I claim no credit for the achievements of this incredibly special woman, I am just grateful for being part of her journey.

I first met ‘Belle” (she is a Disney fan, so we agreed on this as her pseudonym) in the 1990’s as her fostering Social Worker. She was a feisty, mixed-up teen, rightly angry with the world but also clearly possessing a strong and positive spirit. We immediately struck up a great rapport that has now stood the test of time, having just been to her wedding in 2022.

As I write this, I can feel the goosebumps rising on my arms, because to see her walk down the aisle, looking like a Disney Princess, beaming with a sense of peace about her was a moment I find hard to describe-my heart swelled, and I shed a tear-particularly when I saw the look on the face of her husband to be-filled with love, telling her how fabulous she looked.

Then

Belle had a rough start to life, she was part of a family of four and they were all separated as children-her younger brother being adopted on his own, her older brother remaining in foster care because he was seen as ‘too old’ to adopt, and Belle and her sister going to live with an adoptive family together. For Belle, the adoption didn’t work out-the adoptive family rejected her and kept her sister-causing a fracture in their sibling relationship that lasted many years. Belle went to a fostering family who specialised in looking after teenage girls and she found a place where she felt accepted. Feeling part of this family gave her some space to express some of the anger and hurt, and on top of the usual challenges of growing up, she was trying to come to terms with her past-this led to such a mixture of emotions for her, but her fostering family and I could always see what was underneath and I’m glad we were able to help hold her while she raged at the world.

Belle did well at school but the transition between childhood and adulthood was hard, and as she moved into independent living; Belle bounced around a lot in different accommodation. She always had a great sense of justice and I remember her losing her place in the YMCA for hitting someone who was a bully. Nowadays she still has that sense of defending the vulnerable, but she does it with well-chosen words!

The journey

Despite her inner struggles, she connected well with her community and was a regular on the local karaoke scene, often winning competitions as she is such a talented singer. She also performed in local pantomimes, something she still does, making connections wherever she goes.

Whilst academically gifted, Belle found it hard to focus on a career choice; she was too busy just learning how to make her way in life day to day. The legacy of such an unsettled early life can continue to be felt at many milestones in adulthood. This was also affected by her becoming pregnant with her daughter, a much-loved surprise.

Belle adapted to life as a single parent brilliantly, loving her daughter fiercely, being determined to give her everything she hadn’t had, and her daughter has now grown from the ‘bald boxer’ I affectionately and not very politely, used to describe her as, to being a beautiful reflection of her mother, an absolute credit to Belle.

Belle made the decision to move to the north of England, to work with children in care, having always been clear that she wanted to ‘give something back’, an attitude that I thoroughly applaud, and respect. She had very little herself, yet she was still looking at how she could help others. This also gave her the opportunity to re-build her relationship with her sister and today they are incredibly close, demonstrating that although experiences in childhood can carry with us through adult life, they don’t have to define it.

I remember going to Belle’s goodbye party before she moved away, and as I arrived, she shouted ‘my Social Worker is here!’ I can’t say that made me the most popular party guest, but it did give me the opportunity to show her friends on her estate that I wasn’t too scary!

Now

Belle is now working in a school, carrying on the tradition of helping others, she attends her local church, she performs in panto, and she has just married a man who clearly thinks the world of her. She has a family with her daughter and his girls. She is still feisty; she still expresses her opinions with feeling and clarity, and she is still a uniquely lovely person who I am proud to know, and care for deeply. At her wedding were all four siblings, together for the first time in many years.

But the last word has to go to Belle:

“You missed the part where YOU used to go above and beyond what was expected of you to make sure I always got what I needed, even when I didn’t know I needed it. 

And the part where I chose to name my daughter after one of the fiercest warriors in social worker history in the hope that she becomes just as fierce and composed and loyal.” 

This is what makes being part of the Fostering Social Worker community so worthwhile.

The post Fostering communities: fostering social workers appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

I love babies and younger children, but there’s something about teens that I find so rewarding. Sure, it can be hard to keep up to speed with their world: social media, language, trends. Keeping them safe is so much harder than it used to be.

BUT

Teenagers are interesting.

They may not always be interested in interesting things (in my view), but as human beings, they have so much to offer. Undoubtedly, over the last few years, the teens we see come into foster care are more complex. The reasons for this are varied: Covid I’m sure has played a major role. Many of our teens have suffered long-term exposure to mental ill health, substance abuse and domestic violence, none of which make good bedfellows with lockdowns. In addition to this, education has been disrupted and the world increasingly feels like a hopeless place for them.

Despite all this, they offer a fresh perspective. There is nothing quite like a good conversation with a teenager. I’ve found that once you gain their trust, they open up and when they do, it’s like finding treasure. In many cases, they just want someone solid who sees them and hears them. Someone who believes in them.

Many of them don’t like the boundaries we as foster carers have to put in and yet they recognise they need them. Of course, this doesn’t mean they won’t fight them tooth and nail. One teenage girl I fostered said once that she liked knowing someone was at home worrying about her. That when I told her to keep in touch and be home by a certain time, it made her feel safe and cared for. She also secretly quite liked my crossness when these rules were flouted. It showed I cared.

Never a dull moment

The fact is teenagers, like any other child or adult, come in all shapes and sizes. It is unfair to lump them into one category, to lay prejudice on them, to treat them as homogenous. (I do see the irony that I am in many ways doing that in this blog!)

I suppose what I want to say is that teenagers really need foster carers. They need foster carers who can listen, who can be there, who can grit their teeth against the downs and hold out for the ups. Often, they need someone in their back pocket, someone they can rail against but who they know is there for them. Though they may never let you know that. Some will love cooking with you. Some might take walks with you. Others will enjoy shopping trips. Some you may struggle to tempt out of their rooms. Some will swear. Some will be non-communicative. Some will suffer with their mental health. All, by the very nature of the situation they find themselves in draw from a deep pool of resilience. In my book, that makes them worth taking a chance on.

Shout out

There are so many teenagers in Essex, Cambridgeshire and Suffolk who need a warm and nurturing foster home. If you’d like to help, please get in touch with Eastern Fostering Services at Apply to Foster In Essex, Cambridge & Suffolk Eastern Fostering Services (eastern-fostering-services.com) via facebook or email them at team@easternfosteringservices.com

The post Musings of a foster carer – Fostering teens appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

I’ve seen a lot over the last few years since starting fostering. There are so many ways that childhood adverse experiences can impact food, eating habits and behaviour around food.

We once fostered two brothers, who had suffered severe neglect. The first evening they were with us, we sat at the table to eat. I brought out something I thought would be a safe bet, not knowing what their favourite foods were. It became obvious immediately that they had not been taught how to use a knife and fork and had probably never sat at a table to eat. Carnage doesn’t come close to describing it. The boys used their hands to eat. It was alarming to see how much food they would put into their mouths, rarely stopping to chew or swallow. One of the boys finished and immediately launched himself at the leftovers on the kitchen sideboard. The other brother did not take kindly to this and fighting soon broke out.

Once we’d finished, the boys wanted to know immediately when the next meal was and what it would be. We told them it would be breakfast and that they could have cereal, toast, eggs or fruit.

That night we were disturbed by noise coming from the kitchen. The boys were making themselves a midnight feast. This would become a regular thing. Food would go missing and we soon found that they were hoarding the food under their beds. They would also eat to excess at every meal and constantly ask when the next meal was and what it was.

Suddenly food, which had always been a thing of pleasure became a source of pressure for us and obvious anxiety for the boys.

Over time, we came to understand that previously the boys had had food witheld as punishment, that there often was no food in the house, that they had had to eat pet food or steal food. They didn’t yet know they could trust us to provide regular meals and needed to ensure they always had a supply hidden for those times when the cupboards might be bare.

Finally able to understand what the boys were thinking and feeling, we began to respond. We provided them with storage tubs and a small selection of healthy snacks that they could keep there and top up to a certain number. We put up meal planners and times for each meal. We took the pressure away at meal times and responded with praise when they ate well and didn’t fight over food. They gradually learned to sit and enjoy mealtimes, though the need to have a stash of food never really went.

Treat or trick?

A young lady we cared for really had us stunned. We had announced that we were having a takeaway one evening. She totally freaked out, locked herself in her room and refused to come out. Later, she confided that she associated takeaways with abuse as they were often presented as a “treat” following sexual abuse.

We’ve seen children with eating disorders as a result of the experiences they have had and subsequent need for control or lack of self-esteem.

We’ve had our food rejected, scrutinised and thrown at us! (not very often happily). We’ve come to realise the importance of food in terms of cultural identity and comfort. And we have also found food to be a critical part of the nurturing process. I’d like to add that we have also had children who have had healthy relationships with food and who have enthusiastically embraced new foods and food experiences. And we have learned about new foods and ways of eating too!

Perhaps the most important thing we’ve learned is that you can’t make any assumptions in fostering. You need to expect anything and be prepared to be flexible. Understanding the lived experiences of the children is so important when it comes to food and fostering, but this takes time and is not always immediately obvious.

The post Musings of a foster carer – Food for thought. appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

The first time we took our foster child away on holiday with us, we assumed that the same rules would apply: everyday life would be left behind and we would all be refreshed by a much needed holiday. And it was refreshing. And it was a happy time. But it was soon apparent that we were not going to be able to leave our metaphorical baggage behind. The challenges of fostering followed us across the ocean and forced us to reframe what this holiday would mean.

A shaky start

Our child had never been on holiday before. He had on one occasion been left behind by his parents while they went away. He had never been abroad and had no reference point to help him understand what to expect. I think, in a way, the very act of taking our child away with us raised complex emotions in him which we hadn’t anticipated. Anger resurfaced, centred on his previous life experiences. A strange sort of guilt also seemed to play at him, meaning he almost wanted the trip to be rubbish, a way to stay loyal to his parents perhaps. So we had a fair bit to help him grapple with before we even set foot on foreign soil.

I think we understood we needed to keep expectations low or at least realistic. An expectation that everyone was to be happy and on their best behaviour while we were away (however much WE yearned for that) would add a layer of pressure that would surely backfire.

He did cope really well with the journey and was unable to hide his excitement and wonder as the plane took off, I still have the nail marks where he grabbed hold of my hand! I think he so desperately wanted to enjoy himself, was genuinely excited but also out of his comfort zone. So many conflicting emotions.

Healing waters

This conflict was most often forgotten and overridden when he was splashing around in the pool with our children. He lived in that pool that holiday. We made sure we had plenty of time round the pool each day and always communicated how long we’d be there and what we would be doing for the rest of the day. Despite this, he would often try and sabotage days out so that we would return home. I think he felt safe at the villa and exposed and uncertain when visiting strange towns, with strange people who spoke strangely and looked different. All understandable once we put ourselves in his shoes. But we held firm. We made sure we chose activities with everyone in mind and exposed our foster son, gently and sensitively to new experiences. We encouraged him to say please and thank you in the local language. One waiter remarked on how good his language skills were and he positively beamed! It was great to see this pride start to emerge.

Usually on holiday, we ban phones. Controversial, but we have always felt the holiday is about reconnecting as a family. However, we knew that our foster son attached a huge importance to friendships and to his family who he managed his own contact with. Often his interactions with family could be problematic and cause upset to him. And of course there was no exception on holiday. Yet, we knew it would be unrealistic, unfair and unethical to expect him to forgo this contact. Instead we allotted a period of time each day for phone usage. Yet again the pool came to the rescue. As soon as phone time was over, pool time began. It genuinely seemed therapeutic for him and swimming would become something we continued with him long after the holiday was over.

There were so many incidents on the holiday that could have easily ruined our trip had we allowed them to BUT there were more wonderful moments. There was good side-by-side time, new experiences, a newly found confidence and pride.

We all learned something from that first fostering holiday. Holidays are not an escape from your problems. But they are an opportunity to consolidate therapeutic care and to develop new skills, strategies and perspectives.

And what’s more, our foster son, who has long since left us, still talks about that holiday, that swimming pool, and the memories we made together.

The post Musings of a foster carer – Holidays appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

“It took us two years from our first assessment to being approved as foster carers,” Mark explains, “but that was because at that time in our lives we had so much going on that we wanted to take it slow”.  They were supported by Eastern Fostering Services in going at a speed that was right for them: “after all, it’s important for the child that the foster carers are in the right space to be there for them,” adds Angela.

They both feel it is really important that foster carers don’t feel pressured into rushing it, but, on the other hand, if you’re all set and ready to go it can be done in as little as six months.  Either way you’ll be supported by the team at Eastern Fostering Services all the way through to “Panel”.

“The whole family had to take part in our assessment to become foster carers,” says Angela, “They were all interviewed to ensure that we, as prospective carers, would have the support network we’d need.”

They told me that “no stone was left unturned”, but that it was actually quite a therapeutic process – the kind of therapy others might have to pay hundreds or thousands of pounds for!

As Mark says: “Nobody has the perfect background, yet sometimes people worry that something about them will be somehow unacceptable: a previous broken marriage or depression for example.” “Full honesty is definitely the best policy, you won’t be rejected for an imperfect past; it’s all life experience and actually helps create more empathy, something that’s essential in foster caring,” explains Angela.

They both feel that while their own professional backgrounds – in caring and counselling – have helped it’s really not essential to have that kind of background as “a child needs a normal family, not a team of professionals.”

When I ask them what it is then that makes a good foster carer they tell me that the key ingredients are kindness, compassion, being non-judgemental, and – very importantly – patience.  They also add that the ability to set boundaries, discipline and structure are absolutely essential – basically all the same things that make a good parent.

In the next in our series on Angela and Mark’s journey we’ll hear more about going to Panel and getting matched with their first placement in Beyond Panel: The Match.

View the full series of Angela and Mark’s story here

The post The Road to Panel: “Nobody has the perfect background” appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.

I look at the clock. They are late. Nothing unusual as that. I fidget and find things to do with my restless hands. The clock hand moves so slowly. It always does. But here’s the thing, no matter how many children you have fostered, how many clocks you have watched, it is always unnerving waiting for a new child to arrive.

The fostering rollercoaster

Fostering certainly keeps you on your toes. The week leading up to my frenzy of bed making and cleaning has been a veritable loop-the-loop. It has involved reading through information on the child, thinking of what questions we need to ask, reading between the lines. There have been numerous phone calls with our placements manager at Eastern Fostering Services. In the background, I know a lot has happened to get me to the clock-watching point. At one point we didn’t think the plans to move this child here were going ahead. The Local Authority found a carer slightly closer to school and family. I am philosophical about this. A shorter journey to school and being closer to family has to be in the best interests of the child. I take a breath and let go of the child I have already invested in, thought about, planned for.

I am sent more potential matches. There are always more sadly. And then a phone call.

“The Local Authority would like to know if you’re still available for O?”

Child O.

The placements officer continues, “The carer has withdrawn her offer and they need to get O settled today. Are you still happy to take her?”

Yes, I am still happy to take her. My contact details are given to the Local Authority Social Worker. He calls me after lunch. O doesn’t yet know that plans have changed and that she is moving to a different carer, a bit further away. She will likely be told when the social worker picks her up from school to bring her here. Can you imagine? I ask him to show O our welcome book which has photos of us and the dogs. Pictures of the house and her new bedroom. For me, fostering in an imperfect system, it is important that I push for the best for the children, even if the best isn’t quite good enough.

I’m interrupted from my thoughts by the shrill ringing of the phone.

“We’re on our way. O is happy and is very excited to meet the dogs. See you in half an hour or so.”

Expecting the unexpected.

Like I said before, it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve waited for new children to arrive over the years I’ve been fostering. It is always a mix of emotions. Some nerves. Excitement. Trepidation. Are we going to gel? Give it time. Are there going to be any surprises? Behaviours that were not in the child’s information? Highly likely. Expect the unexpected. Will the child be scared, excited, hypervigilant? Will they be withdrawn, anxious or hyper and noisy. You know you can never predict this. Will they be too eager to please? Or will they get straight to the testing phase? A bit of both most likely depending on the day. Can I make this a happy home for them? You can certainly try.

I glance at the clock again. The doorbell goes. The opening bars to the song. They are here. I go to the door, pull it open and smile. My anxieties pushed away the moment I see her framed in my doorway.

“Come on in!” I say.

The post Musings of a foster carer – Waiting for the child to arrive appeared first on Eastern Fostering Services.