We would really recommend fostering. If you are thinking of making the first step, we can testify that fostering changes lives. We took our first step 6 years ago; over that time we have looked after a range of children.

Our first child was a teenager. Our role was really to prepare her for independence. She is a lovely girl and just needed gentle guidance and a loving, non-judgemental family. She stayed with us for a year and made so much progress in that time. She continues to be a close friend to our daughter and now has a good job in a hospital and a child of her own!

What’s it all about?

For us, fostering centres around helping and caring for children, and providing a secure loving home, preparing them for independence and teaching them basic life skills and values and generally teaching them about family life with us.

To the child it can be a life changing experience as they may have never experienced simple things such as a loving home, or a treat of an ice cream or outing to the zoo. Simple things we all take for granted.

It’s not all plain sailing..

Fostering of course comes with ups and downs and we have come across many challenges with different ages of children. We have had police visits and trips to A&E and have had to draw on all our skills to navigate the Covid 19 lockdowns.

Without the support of our birth children and family and friends and of course Eastern Fostering services staff, we would struggle. The team at Eastern Fostering Services, who are amazing, have a wealth of experience and staff that know us all very well. They offer an excellent training programme to keep us on our toes.

Through all the challenges, we have learned that it is the simple, everyday things that make the biggest difference: being there, being consistent, modelling healthy relationships. These things are life changing for many children in foster care.

Lucy and Jim, Essex

More than a plaster

We’ve been fostering for 5 years. We felt that in many ways you can help people without any real sacrifice. You can donate to charity and then go about your business and forget about the suffering around you. We wanted to do more than stick a plaster on the things we saw around us. And so we decided to foster.

The fruit that keeps on giving

Our first child stayed with us for 3 years. He is a lovely lad but suffered terribly due to the life experiences he had had. In coming to live with us there were so many new experiences he had to come to grips with and he wasn’t really someone who could cope well with change back then.

We saw lots of successes with him, and celebrated these, but I think our overall feeling was that we hadn’t really helped as much as we’d wanted. He was keen to move out and pursue independence and we had gently advised against this and offered for him to stay on. In the end, we let go and made sure he knew that our door would always be open to him.

Fast forward 2 years and he continues to be a part of our life. We speak every week via phone and we see him when restrictions allow. Just this week, he called me to tell me he had got 89% in a recent exam at college. Being able to tell him how proud we were and hearing the excitement in his voice as he shared his success with us felt like the first bite of an apple we’d been growing for 5 years. Sweet and worth savouring.

You can’t grow a rose without a good helping of manure

Good fostering does change lives and is a beautiful thing to be part of. But as a friend of mine says, you need a lot of manure to grow a beautiful rose. This is so true. At times fostering will feel thankless and you will wonder why you’re doing it, but there is beauty waiting weeks, months, maybe even years down the line.

While you’re in the manure phase having good friends and family around you really helps. Without it you can feel isolated and alone. We’re lucky to have them in abundance.

Choosing the right fostering provider is also important. Our agency, Eastern Fostering Services, has always gone above and beyond the call of duty to support us. They continue to provide exemplary support, understanding and development as we continue to foster.

If you would like to know more about fostering contact us via our website, facebook or email us at team@easternfosteringservices.com. We are offering virtual meetings with anyone who would like one so that we can answer any questions you may have about fostering.

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Fostering the Christmas Spirit…

Children all over the world love Christmas. The lights that transform the usually dull, dark streets, the houses lit up, the decorated tree, the jangle of Christmas tunes. The magic of an empty stocking on Christmas Eve that will be bulging by morning. Feeling loved and safe in the heart of a family who is in celebratory mood. But for many children living in foster care, Christmas is a really difficult time.

In the bleak mid-winter

For young people in foster care, the traditions that so define this time of year can act as triggers for children who have had adverse childhood experiences. These triggers could be anything from the sight and smell of alcohol, to loud music or noises, laughter and booming voices. Sensorial experiences like these can remind children of previous abuse or neglect or of traumatic events that have happened at this time of year.

Equally, as the TV belches out images of Christmas being about family, happy, cosy households, children are faced with the enormity of their loss or the contrast of their own situation. This can lead to feelings of anger, frustration and resentment.

Most children who have experienced adverse childhood events will experience some form of stress response to this in the long term. They may find it hard to regulate their emotions and find themselves in constant fight, flight or freeze mode. The triggers, memories and sense of loss that Christmas can bring will often force these coping strategies to the fore. For foster carers this can make Christmas very tricky indeed.

When you foster, Christmas bustles in hand-in-hand with another C word, Contact. Contact between children and their birth families can be complex for both children and carers at the best of times. Young people need a good deal of support to manage family contact, the emotions it can throw up and the repercussions afterwards. Much family contact is positive and is in the best interests of the child yet nonetheless it can serve as a reminder of what is lost or not yet possible. This year, with the restrictions introduced as a result of Covid, physical meetings may not be possible at all or will certainly require good planning.

Fostering the Christmas spirit. How can I support my child?

How do Eastern Fostering Services support carers at Christmas?

We know that Christmas can be a really challenging time for foster carers and that often you enter it with some trepidation. We spend a good deal of time thinking about how we best support our families at this time.

• 24/7 phone support
  There will always be someone on the end of the phone to give you guidance and to help with any problems or concerns. Because we are a small team we all know our carers and children very well so you will never need to relay your life history to us in the midst of a crisis. Sometimes you just need a friendly voice and a bit of reassurance and we can offer that whenever it is needed. You can also get in touch with us on Facebook.
• We spend time with carers and children
  We always take time to visit carers and to spend time with the children and young people they care for. In the run up to Christmas, we have been doing even more of this, often creatively at the moment! Children and young people can also contact us over the period.
• Training
  Lots of the techniques that carers will have to draw on over Christmas are covered in the training that we offer. Understanding what is driving behaviour and how best to tackle it and de-escalate helps carers enter the season with confidence and reassurance. During these times, we have been offering a wide range of training on these subjects via our online training hub.
• Festive treats
  A small thing maybe, but we like to give our carers and the children a treat over Christmas. We want them all to know they are loved, valued and greatly appreciated.

If you would like more information on Eastern Fostering services, there is lots of useful information on our website. If you are already a foster carer and are looking to transfer, do get in touch.

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