T J - 25th March 2023
I’m TJ. I was 7 years old when my family and I started fostering. It’s mad to think that that was over 7 years ago. A lot has happened in that time!
It takes some getting used to at first.
When we first started fostering, everything was new. I had to get used to having another person in the house when it had always just been Mum, Dad and my brother. When my foster brother arrived, he needed a lot of help and support and so I suppose we had to share my parents much more. I never really minded this because I always knew that Mum and Dad had enough time and love to go round. Most of the changes were practical. My foster brother is Muslim and so we started to eat halal. Again, this didn’t really affect us too much. Mum still made lots of different dishes from all sorts of ingredients and most of the work was for her as she needed to go to different shops to get any halal meat we needed. One of my good friends was also Muslim, so it wasn’t strange to me and that meant it wasn’t really a big deal.
I think the biggest change was that we were now looking after someone who’d had a difficult life. He was sometimes very down and he couldn’t really communicate with us. Me and my foster brother always got on well though. I made him laugh and that was nice to know. I also must have helped him learn English because I pretty much never stop talking. We did have to make sacrifices but I think they were worth it. I think of him as my brother, even though he now lives in his own place. We keep in touch and message each other. When he passed his driving test, he took me and my brother out for a drive and he’s taken us out for dinner too. Like I said, fostering is really not all bad! 😉
When my foster sister arrived, things changed again. It was all totally different. But in a good way. I think we got really close during the pandemic when we were all locked in together! Sometimes it was hard to hear the things she’d been through but I also felt she was happy with us and that was a good feeling.
I’ve learned that bad experiences in childhood can affect people in so many ways and that’s helped me to try and be compassionate and understanding towards others when their behaviour is strange or hurtful, and also to process things when they go wrong.
Saying goodbye is tough.
I think what I’ve found hard is when my foster brother, and then a few years later, my foster sister, left us. I found this upsetting at the time. You get so used to having them around and they’re a big part of the family, so it’s sad when they go. Mum and Dad always encourage us to share how we feel and we know it’s ok to be sad and sometimes angry. It’s times when you feel this way, that fostering families need friends, family and the EFS team to help them.
New friends!
Being part of a fostering family has meant that I’ve made lots of good friends. I get on well with our social worker and I know I can talk to her if I need to. Eastern Fostering Services organise some great days out and over the years I have made some good friends, so it’s always fun to get together and have a good laugh. My favourite days out are the beach days, forest days and the summer camp!
Supporting others
I know I’ve learned a lot over the last 7 years. I know I can relate to other children whose families foster. That’s why I’m part of Eastern Fostering Service’s forum for birth children of foster carers. We meet up now and then, with Sandra, to share ideas about how birth children can be supported. We’ve called this group MBFF (My Best Fostering Family). I think for new children joining Eastern Fostering Services, it’s important to have mentors who’ve already been through the good times and the bad times.
I’d like to say that I’m really glad I’m part of a fostering family. It’s a great thing to do, you get to meet loads of new people and do some really fun stuff. And even when you have to say goodbye, it doesn’t have to mean forever!
TJ
If you’re thinking of fostering and want to be part of a fostering community who will support you and your family, get in touch at team@easternfosteringservices or visit our website or Facebook. You can also call us on 01206 299775.
Eastern Fostering Services - The small agency with a strong family feel
