An important part of fostering is helping children maintain connections with their birth family. Often referred to as “family time” or “contact,” these visits are a vital part of a child’s care plan. But for foster carers, supporting family time can feel challenging, even worrying.
The truth is that while family time can be emotional and sometimes unpredictable, it is also hugely beneficial for the child — and foster carers play a key role in making it a positive experience.
Why Family Time Matters
Even when children cannot live with their birth parents, maintaining relationships helps them stay connected to their identity, family, and community. Regular contact can:
- Support emotional wellbeing
- Help children understand their story and heritage
- Strengthen sibling relationships
- Reduce feelings of loss or confusion
- Build resilience and trust
Family time is not just a “nice to have” — it is an essential part of a child’s development and stability.
The Realities of Supporting Family Time
Family time can look very different depending on the child, their age, and their family situation. Some realities carers might face include:
- Emotional highs and lows: Children may feel excited before a visit and upset afterward, particularly younger children or those with complex trauma.
- Behavioural changes: Some children may act out, be clingy, or withdraw after contact.
- Practical challenges: Visits can involve travel, coordinating schedules, or supervising interactions, sometimes at short notice.
- Complex family dynamics: There may be tension, conflict, or difficult interactions during visits.
It’s normal to feel apprehensive — many carers do. These experiences can be challenging, but they are also opportunities to support the child’s growth and resilience.
Why Carers Shouldn’t Worry
Despite the challenges, research and experience show that supporting family time has long-term benefits for children and placements. Here’s why:
1. Children benefit emotionally
Even if a visit is difficult or emotional, children feel safer and more secure when carers support family connections. It helps them understand that their feelings are normal and valid.
2. Carers are supported
Social workers, supervising social workers, and contact centre staff provide guidance, support, and strategies for managing family time. Carers never have to navigate this alone.
3. It strengthens placement trust
Children learn that their foster carer is on their side, supporting them through both joyful and challenging moments. This builds attachment and trust within the foster home.
4. Upset is often temporary
Emotional reactions after visits are normal. With reassurance, routine, and comfort, children adapt and develop coping skills over time.
Practical Tips for Carers
- Prepare the child: Explain who they will see, where they are going, and how long it will last.
- Debrief afterwards: Allow the child to talk about their feelings without pressure.
- Keep routines: Familiar routines before and after contact help children feel secure.
- Stay neutral and supportive: Avoid criticism of the birth family and validate the child’s emotions.
- Seek guidance: Social workers can help manage logistics, supervise visits if needed, and offer advice on challenging situations.
The Rewarding Side of Family Time
While it can be emotional and sometimes unpredictable, supporting family time is one of the most meaningful aspects of fostering. It allows carers to:
- Witness children maintain important relationships
- Celebrate growth and resilience
- Play an active role in helping children feel loved and supported
Conclusion
Family time can be challenging — and that’s okay. Feeling apprehensive doesn’t mean you’re failing as a foster carer. With preparation, support, and empathy, carers can help children maintain vital family connections while providing the love and stability they need.
